Shhh, people are trying to read

Sorry I ended that last note a little early but I just wanted to be alone, I know journals don't count as people or anything but I just wanted to be away ok. Anyway, I'm feeling a little better today and I was wondering what myself was thinking earlier in my reign so I checked out your pages to see, sigh no not that way Dave, yours so dirty, why would I check out a book? Oh wait, I do that all the time at the castle library. Hey speaking of which I forgot to tell you guys about that, I was filling up all my notes about the radio at the time. So now that I remembered it I'll tell you. I was really bored and since I wasted to do something nice for the town I tried to think of things we didn't have, I couldn't come up with any so I started searching through memories of the future (Im positive it does exist). After some thought I remembered that I frequently went to a place where I would read books and hang out, quietly though to respect other people who were reading. I decided to call it a library since I've been studying latin and liber is short for books. I know its not spelled alike but if you say them they sound very similar, the ary at the end is just because lot of places have that. Such as sanctuary and aviary. Hence the library was born, a place where anyone was invited and not just my advisors and such. So far I've gotten a lot of peasants involved and many have showed interest in learning to read since theres only about 5 picture books. I guess I'll have to hire a few writing tutors and have a reading class.

Past (home) sick

My diary has been a lot about the new "radio" I call it so today I'll talk about something else like.. oh, the war. The war has quieted down considerably and darn near disappeared. Thats why I haven't talked about it. The main enemies have accepted a treat and so now its just little clans and raiders to take care of. There was one guy though that was really going for me and my clan was like, "back off or we will squash you!" though and then he did. My clan is pretty awesome. Caper is turning into a pretty good friend as well. He remind me a lot of my Dad in some ways, he's caring but not too much so and he's always telling stories. It makes me wish I could go back to what I remember and see my parents again... I'll talk to you tomorrow Dave.

Testing a new breakthrough

The ants finished making some adjustments to the crude microphones and set off to test it on an ally. I know that they won't get squished and I have assurance that they will come back because I let the allies know. The ants have orders to be seen as little as possible and make minimal noise, if the castle dwellers hear or see anything suspicious they are to let me know so the ants can identify the weaknesses in their setup.
I think its an ingenious device and if only we could modify it someway so that eventually I could give one to each of my friends and have multiple people talking at once. So far there can be multiple people talking at once but they kind of tone each other out sometimes... maybe this could be fixed by adding more wires... no they transmit it wirelessly to my receiver. Maybe we could have multiple receivers  and I could hire young educated men and women to act as secretaries so nothing that comes through goes unrecorded. I'll have to ask the ants about that.

Bad day for a caper

Today was kinda crappy, don't know why I guess it was just a teenager thing. and guess who found me? not Jarvis, not a maid... it was Caper.
at the time I didn't think anything about it but now I wonder, why was he looking for me and how did he find me? No one knows of my hiding spot.
When he found me he noticed I was kind of dejected and told me a story he came up with about a boy who got lost and no one could find him. he also said the boy had a wonderful family and they immediately started searching for him. I don't know why he put emphasis on the part about rescuing the boy though. It seemed as though that was his favorite part, losing the boy but immediately sending out search parties and finding him soon after...
Guess its not important though, so long as I'm having a better day now. You know what though, that story reminded me a lot of myself in a way.

Ant antenna the new way

Heya been kinda busy Dave, but I'm back. I know I've been neglecting you but I hope I can remember better. The ants have been working hard and came up with a device that can transmit sound over many miles. I knew this as a "radio" I think, my memories are a little fuzzy about some things.
If we can get just a little bit more range on it we could use it to spy on the jerks attacking us. It's small enough that a beetle and a small troop of ants could carry the whole transmitter and microphones around and set it up. The microphones are set up in key locations marked by our spies (which can get in but have trouble eaves dropping by the way) and then they send the sound to the transmitter and according to the ants that sends it to the receiver. I don't know how efficient it would be with multiple microphones because there could be multiple conversations... I guess for ants though this is very advanced as it is so I shouldn't expect it to be perfect.
I hope this wonderful friendship between us and the ants can continue, along with my positive mindset.

The first one I've told

I like cape, he's quite a character. Today we had a fun filled conversation about magic, I showed him a few tricks from my time and he showed me a trick or two from medival ages. I even told him a little about how I got here because he is crazy enough to believe it (he's just a little loopy and he certainly doesn't act like people around here). I don't think he'll tell anyone but if he does once again the crazy factor comes into play, they probably won't believe him. 
Oh and another thing, last night I saw a flash of light on the topic the hill and then shortly after another flash. I'm not sure what it was, maybe a faulty firework set off by some villager? 
Anyway, cape is cool and I needed someone to talk to so I did... hope I won't regret it.

Caper is cryptic

Hehe, big words are fun, I like confusing people with them. What was I talking about yesterday... hold on Dave im going to go look at what i just wrote yesterday.
Ah, Caper, well no info from the market, he must be out of town. You wouldn't believe the stuff my chef can come up with, he has some very informed contacts. My guess is one of his girlfriends is the town busybody -the womanizer.
Maybe I should see if any of my friends from the alliance know. Caper might be from a city near them and they've heard of him. Untill then I should watch him closely, number one to enjoy his entertainment. Number two because I don't have any information on him...

The capers of Caper

He goes by Caper. Our jester that is. No one knows his real name, it's a mystery. The reason for his peculiar nickname though is his numerous tricks he does with his out-of-character cape. I also know he's just as mischievous as me yet he knows when to stop, he plays pranks but not cruel ones. He is my idea of a perfect jester, he can size up his crowd and know how to make them laugh. Best of all he knows all the medival age anecdotes, to me they are tiresome but to everyone else they are a riot. They are my favorite because it creates such a lively atmosphere but isn't distracting -since they bore me. I really wish I could find out his name though. Maybe if I dig up information in the market place I can get somewhere. And unfortunately that will have to wait till tomorrow at least because if I started asking directly people would get suspicious and possibly clam up. I'll have to assign it to one of my staff next time they go to grab some ingredients...

Ok ok, I'm bad at secrets

Ok ok, I changed my mind. I'm bad at keeping secrets. He suggested that we hire a jester to liven up the atmosphere. And I agree because I'm tired of being the only one telling jokes. Really funny jokes that they don't even get because it flies right over there head like a mortar. I crash and burn just like one too.
The idea of a jester is also bad though because it will decrease productivity... Oh wait. Who am I fooling. I'm the only one doing anything kingdom related anyway so as long as I stay on track we can't lose any productivity. And since watching people laugh instead of yawn is much more cheerfull I'll definitely put it on my to-do-list. I'll write it in right behind annoying pastry chef... Long story.

I have a secret! And I'm not telling!

One of my advisors actually made a good suggestion today. But that wasn't the amazing part, the amazing part was that he didn't make an intelligent comment by accident! It was actually purposeful! I don't think I have ever gotten a comment that was purposefully intelligent before, I like it. And guess what, I'm not going to tell you what it was. Ha! I'm such a tease, too bad all my servants and guards are too dim to appreciate my wit. They just think I'm crazy.

Gold koi fish

To cheer me up a thoughtful peasant who heard my grandpa died sent me some koi for my pond outside. They make lovely distractions when I'm up in my tree perch. Although a good bit bigger than goldfish that's what I thought they were untill Jarvis told me otherwise. It's nice needing Jarvis for things besides my selfish human nature. I can actually use his help sorting and filing papers organizing meetings and other tasks while I do the stuff only I can do (unfortunately). Such as making decisions, signing documents ,and talking to stupid advisors, that I wouldn't even trust as a visor let alone an advisor due to the fact they think they are so holy. I love how the ants are so peacefull, it really helps me keep track of my kingdom. I don't have to be keeping track of them all the time because I know right where they are. In the appointed drop off areas. Remember, those ones at the bakeries.
All in all I would agree that it's going along okay.

Time cut short

Unfortunately my grandpa died and my siblings had to return home before we could spend too much time together. Even though they left right away I hope they get back in time. It takes a while for the message to travel all the way here and then them to get all the way there. It's sad but I don't feel any connection to him. Which part is sadder, me not feeling any connection or my grandpa dying I don't know but his death has triggered strange things. I somehow have memories of him doing various things with me. Its the first memory from this timeline and not the future one. It's kind of like dejavu except that the last time you saw it is still 300 years in the future.
I guess since I don't have any excuse for my break now I'll have to come back. It was fun being just a kid in a palace but now I have to be king of the castle. I hope that I can keep my kingdom afloat through all these wars and trails. And I also hope I can keep it floating metaphorically because literally would really stink.

Castle clearer

I almost got visited by an old time type of traveling dentist. I heard what they were like and so I made the castle look like no one was there. You know like as if I had left to negotiate with another king. No one could go outside, I ordered the hedges not be trimmed for a few days, all the horses were at pasture (as if we didn't expect to be able to feed them) and I even told them to not get too close to windows. It wasn't all bad though because since we didn't want any evidence we had a forced early bedtime. Do you have any idea how much light a candle makes in a place with no electricity? No street lights no nothing (even in the village most were too poor to buy candles). Well since you do I guess I dont have to explain it. And to tell the truth I would feel silly explaining candle light to a book...
I can write today only because the teeth terrorist is gone. Hooray for the word "traveling" in front of dentist.

Fair, awsome... Ruined

Wow, yesterday was so cool today doesn't really matter. Ok that's a lie but I'm just going to talk about yesterday.
Yesterday I got to spend some good time with Adam and he's actually really cool. We have a lot in common and he really seems like he's sincere... Don't you hate it when you can tell someone not sincere?
Anyway, we hung out for a while at the fair, ate some popcorn, watched the firebreathers. You know the usual carnival stuff. Well I guess it's not according to my dream but it's been so long since I've thought about that that I usually don't. Kinda sad because if that's not a dream I'm forgetting my real life.
Ug, I just made yesterday so much better by making today worse. Why do I always have to wreck my train of thought with negative and or unnecessary things? Things that will ruin the whole rest of my day worrying about them?
Do you ever worry about dumb stuff Dave? Or stuff I write in you? Or why I talk to you?
Because I do all three.

A fair sight

I awoke in a sweat to fair music... Like as in carnival music. Was I dreaming? Or is this a dream... Which tense is my dream in? [wham] OW, past tense. I'm not dreaming right now, I just banged my shin on the dresser. What a kingly thing to do.
I'm suprised that I forgot that today was the fair, I must have been too busy helping my siblings. I wonder how much was a dream? Is Adam really a jerk or was that just a dream and the first days they were here he was just tired... I hope he was just tired and I was dreaming.
Fair here I come, who cares if I'm a king. I don't want to act like one.
I'm going to enjoy myself untill they pull me away!

Disappointed

I'm in a cloud... I died... What can you really say when your dead.
I have to watch in horror and disgust as Adam takes the throne by force and right.
He is now the eldest of the three siblings left. Two are sad and one is not... I really don't know what to say.
Adam forced his way into the castle with his band of ruffians and now is the leader of my kingdom. Can anything go worse? Well considering I'm DEAD, probably not.
Come to think of it what the heck am I doing? I'm dead why am I just sitting here in a cloud talking to myself. Is this really what the afterlife is like? Witnessing all the crimes from a birds eye veiw and not being able to do anything? I don't have any messengers or telephone or way to give myself a body to help people?
Ok I really thought dying would be a lot cooler...

My last wish

I write this with a feeble hand and heart for I have been poisoned. It's not fair, I have a life, a kingdom, a brother to bring to justice! Adam must repent but it might be too late. It doesn't matter how I was poisoned because theres no cure for it in these ages. And who do you think was blamed first for it? You guessed it, Adam.
I don't believe he did but my people won't listen, they're sure it was him.
The doctors are hoping for a miracle and lots of quiet for me so I had to sneak this entry, my last wish is that Adam be forgiven.
I must rest.

A close call and the point of no return.

It was too close, oh the bomb that is. It was an inside job and all my servants are being interrogated but it was going to be pretty bad if it went off. The bomb was situated in the hay pile above the stable, it would have taken out almost all the roof. A stable boy managed to find it when turning the hay. It was very lucky because the hay in the loft is only turned every month and the bomb only had three hours till detonation. We defused it by dumping it into the river (old bombs used black powder I knew that and watertight cases weren't invented yet). Since security is very tight on the outskirts of town who could have done it but Adams group. It disappoints me because I hoped he wouldn't go too far with it, I don't know if I could redeem him now if he turned himself in or got caught. The question now is, how far will he go? And if he's caught will he repent.

Ants helping for once?

Today the ants really helped for a change... It was under circumstances that I wouldn't have preferred but hey.
They helped me by spying on guess who? Adam. Now I know why he was being such a jerk... He's a rebel. He started a rebellion in my city. I used the ants to find their location and numbers
(I just told them if they didn't help there wouldn't be any food to make crumbs and they pitched right in).
I found out when Adam was missing in the morning. I thought he was just going for a walk untill he was seen in the middle of a mob. After he was seen in a mob he was reported to have been hanging up posters, of course not nice ones.
I've tried to hide it from Mary and Henry but the irratic troop movements and the disappearance of their brother at the same time is too timely.
I hope this doesn't get too out of hand and I hope Adam turns around, he might be a jerk but he's my bro.

Younger brother vs. grumpy teenager

Ok, today was just a little wierd. Adam is acting even more resentful, what is his problem?
Is it that his siblings are getting more attention? Or maybe that he doesn't want to be here?
Or maybe that I use too many question marks when writing... I hope not because that would mean he reads my journal.
Anyway, Mary and Henry went off riding today with the hunters (for some reason Adam didn't want to, said he had "business") so I got them out of my hair for today. Of course everything has it's effects and this time the effect was I had to spend more time with Adam. My grumpy older half brother that obviously resentful that I got the throne. I almost wish he had gotten it. I doubt that you've ever had an older step brother that hated you because you were king but if you ever have... You would know how much it stinks spending a whole day with him.
I tried playing board games with him but he always got bored of them. I tried fencing but he would never do anything but lunge at me and since I didn't want to be skewered I tried talking about castles (since he apparently had a nice one himself). But even my last little hope of doing anything with him shriveled up as he cooly ignored me and walked away.
Any suggestions... Dave, if only you could help.

Who wouldn't?

Well today my advisors planned a secret date for me... I don't know if it went well or didn't because I didn't have to entertain her and I don't think shes coming back... So from my perspective that's good.
Mary was delighted when she came over, Henry was his usual self (very annoying) and Adam... teased me about having a girlfriend. Does that guy know how to do anything but be a royal pain? Aha aha, I just made a lame joke.
Well apparently you thought it was funny Dave, considering the fact you just fell onto the floor... Or did I knock you down.
Geeze, now I know I am crazy. Although who wouldn't be by now with siblings over, (that I decided ARE annoying) mutant ants rampaging and secret unwanted dates. I'm starting to kind of wish my break was actually a time to rest, you know try to cure myself of my partial insanity But I guess not.

Cows and cookies

Henry wanted to make cookies today so I got my cook to help (to tell the truth I didn't know how). The ants had never made cookies either and they wanted to help. It took a lot of persuading but I finally got my cook to let them do something, they helped carry the small cup of baking soda and also spread frosting which made them very happy. The way they'd spread the frosting was questionable but cute, they were light enough to walk across the top of the frosting so after the cook was finished baking them to a golden brown they did just that. After walking across the frosting they dragged their feet across the cookie and after a parade or two we had a nicely frosted cookie... With a lot of tiny footprints.
Of course neither Henry nor the cook wanted to eat the three the ants decorated (they even brought over a few sprinkles to put on them) they got to carry them off to split amongst themselves.
Adam was a jerk today! He went through my whole castle commenting on basicly everything.
"I have bigger pictures in my hall", "My servants have more fashionable clothes", "why do you have such old tapestries?"
For some reason he wanted to tear down everything I had since he didn't get the crown (that I don't know how I got).
I wish He was just a cow because he sure is jerky.

Adam, Mary and Henry.

Wow, it's been a whole week since I've written in my journal!
Sorry I've been so busy... Even though I'm taking a break. I don't know why but they keep having problems they "have" to get my advice on. Am I literally what's holding this kingdom together? My advisors can't seem to handle even the simpler tasks.
Anyway, my siblings got here today. They seem to be ok but I have no benchmark, I'm not so sure what would be "annoying" in comparison, only in my personal opinion. There's Adam, he's the oldest (about 18) but only a half brother. The second oldest (14) is Mary. She was born just a year an a half after me and the biggest difference between us is that she likes courting... Why I don't know. I had to insist she not bring her latest boyfriend, it would've bothered me greatly. And last but not quietest by any means is Henry. Man that kid is the one that I would call annoying. Not as stuck up as Adam, not as "flibberty" as Mary but much louder and energetic.
So Dave, wadda ya think? Annoying or not and which ones.

Siblings ahoy

They are on their way. The siblings that is, Dave how do you think having brothers and sisters would be? It sure would be interesting since I've never had any...
I'll ask Jarvis what's it's like since I believe he had a good family. Dave do you have a family? I bet your father was a dictionary and your mother was a thesaurus. Your brothers were just like you, wonderful journals and your sisters diaries.
Hehe, journals having families, hilarious.
Well since the ants are going through normally(tech advances not so much but the weapons already there are improving slowly)and there's nothing else to talk about I'll let you do your thing Dave.

I have family?

I decided that I really needed a break today, I told my generals to do what they thought was in the best judgement of the people and the ecomony advisors to continue production on whatever. I also found out that I have two brothers and a sister, I was interested because in the future I had no siblings. I'm trying to decide whether or not to invite them to the castle but I do think it would be fun.
If we go the topic of the ants, they have accepted my treaty. If I help train their "soldiers" and give them garbage they will cease fire whenever commanded and refrain from attacking just for the sake of attacking.
I sure hope they keep the treaty, I think it will slow the production of you know what's too...

I'm always being interrupted

We are under attack by zero again, luckily this time it appears zero damage has been done, Get it? Zero damage, hehe.
Anyway, I still have some attacks on the way I hear so I'm readying my troops. They should pose too much of a threat but still, I'm worried.
Now away from the topic of zero and into our clan.
There's an operation coming up soon, all the clan is going to attack certain targets. After we hopefully capture them we slowly advance into enemy territory.
Sounds risky to me but there's a few dozen guys working in the operation, I think we'll be ok.
As for the ants... I haven't heard much but some of them might think they still have to be on their best behavior, and am I going to complain?
Shut up that was a rhetorical question.
Anyway, as I was saying before I was [ahem] interrupted, the ants are quiet and I'm happy.
I haven't observed any military advances but I haven't been talking about it in my diary. So maybe that is how they developed their stuff... That's frustrating to know that all that chaos was because I was talking about technology in front of curious, intelligent, genetically modified ants.

Silver and gold

Some of the guys in our clan just got word we disbanded, they don't use the crystal balls for communication so we had to send a letter manually. It took a day for the messenger to get out there. They are now deciding if they are going to join us or what. The one king took all the way till tonight to get the message because he was on vacation for the day (the other kings/queens got it this morning). He started freaking out over the crystal ball... What a good example for his people.
Anyway, the clan we joined is thrilled to have so many new good quality members and I'm thrilled I'm in a good clan with my old friends. As the saying goes, make new friends but keep the old, one is silver and the other gold.

Frustrating new friends

Oh my gosh, my new clan has a wierd thing they force the new guys to do.
Host a party at their castle!
I thought I'd never get those bum zerks outa my house. My wine cellar is empty my pantry looks worse than when ants come through and my yard is a disaster.
I found a solution for a few things though, the squires and their pikes make great garbage boys, the pikes make it so they don't even have to bend over to pick up garbage.
And since we dont have vacuums I made a deal with the ants, of they can carry it they can have it(as long as it's on the floor). They started clearing off my floors in a jiffy.
Also I never would have guessed but black knights make splendid bouncers. Those saders never knew what by them man, one minute they were starting a brawl and the next they were flying through the air.
Another downside is I kept having to explain I didn't drink. Apparently there's no rules about minors, if the parents allow it they can drink it... Which is kinda disturbing, I think I'll be the one who invents the minor laws.
Anyway, they were a pain and they are finally gone... So I think I'll take a nap while the squires finish up.

Talking to Dave again.

I got into a clan yesterday, they seem a little more strict but I guess that's a good thing.
The ants are now back at it and so are my villagers. Now that moral is back up everyone's just as whiny and pathetic as always, the ants are just as violent as they were and my advisors are back to giving bad advice. To be honest I liked it when everyone was trying to be calm and conserved. The advisors gave better advice when they had to actuality think too.
My castle life was "interesting" yesterday to say the least...
My "relatives" came over, they seemed to know everything about me and I knew nothing about them, I had to play "amnesia" again.
I learned a lof about what I "used to do" too.
To say the least it was creepy.
Now I want to tell you some about my relatives as I want my stuff to stay secret, you never know what these ants might spread around (I know for sure now that they read my diary).
My aunt Rachel is an artist she loves painting people especially.
My uncle Adam is really cool, he's an inventor and is pretty good at it too, I wouldn't be suprised if he was one of the tutors for Da-Vinci Leonardo! That would be wierd...
I only have one cousin, Uzziah and he was kind of a pain while he was here but seemed like he would have been fun if I had known him longer.
Anyway those three royal pains (haha get it) were the reason I didn't talk yesterday Dave.
I'm glad I can talk to someone besides Jarvis.

If only you could help Dave

I don't have an alliance yet but then again the clan hasn't disbanded yet. I have a potential invite and straight from a reliable source. I hope I can get into this clan with my leaders, that would be cool. Alliance or not though zero won't discriminate, they're eventually going to attack me, clan or not. And my people aren't happy about it. I'm in a vicious trap. On one side I have my advisors, on another my civilians on yet another the ants... None of these groups are patient... I imagine this is why the life of a king would be unpleasant. It really does stink Dave.
I feel much better when it feels like I'm talking to a person... I probably should have named you sooner Dave, it's much more comforting.
If only naming my town or castle would make everyone else more comfortable.
Well I hope this gets settled soon or I'm going to start losing settlers. Either with deaths from zero or from them just leaving.

Treaties put on hold and the alliance torn

I told the ants that the bartering was going to have to be out on hold. I was forcing a treaty temporarily. My clan was being split up since it was in the best inerest of all the members. It was unfourtunate but a wise decision.
Since I was going to be joining a new alliance I wanted the ants to be on their best behavior for just a few days before continuing their normal lives. I knew it might lower moral but it isn't going to lower the ants moral as much as it will lower my settlers moral if I have no alliance. The breaking up of the Aliance has caused enough disturbance but if I had no alliance they might panic next time we are attacked... The troops could hold them off and everything but it's a security thing. It's a feeling of companionship and safety in numbers that they feel. And I rather agree, I would have gone insane long ago in this ancient setting if Jarvis wasn't around. Or if I couldn't think of all those marvelous pranks.
For example, yesterday I put some tar on my prime ministers seat. It was dark brown leather so he didn't eeven see it. It was histerical, the reason I won't say why but let's just say that he was wearing a pair of silk tights that day and when he got up a certain group of young ladies didn't enjoy the veiw.
Dave, it was the best prank yet. Next I need to grease a black knights saddle...

Zeros abound

Well the ants seemed to like the deal but they refused to accept on the spot. Try did however agree to hold a counsil of the ants and decide plus until then they would cease warring. I thought that was great because even if they refused I would have a day or two to come up with something new.
Also on a side note, I'm pretty sure the ants have spies... I have had several things that could only be known if you were very small found out. Such as where my cookies are... again.
And what I'm writing in my diary before the day is over, I'm not positive but I have reasons to believe its true.
As for castle life, Zero is at it today too. I had over 20 waves coming at me according to my sources. Fortunately most of them were just for diversionary purposes but a good number weren't and my towns took a good bit of damage. The inner parts of my cities are fine but the outer rim near the walls was devistated, the trebuchets mercilessly beat down the whole area around the walls and they were actually leveled. They are almost up to full strength again but that's a lot of workers not working on houses or something equally important.
How can I get Zero down to Zero and have Zero ants?

I want zero ants but no Zero

Hmm, I might have an idea to bribe the ants. What if I made a special pickup station at my bakeries where all the scraps ants would be interested in would be put untill nightfall. In return for free, dangerless food they would promise to give a 3 day notice and a reason before staring a war unless attacked by ants/people that didn't live in the town.
The other idea that I might use instead of or ontop of the previous idea is that I trainthem in human warfare. This would benifit me in three ways.
1. They would stop fighting or I would stop training.
2. They would be able to help defend my town.
3. Their movements would be more predictable at (least to me) if they made my way of war a habit.
I think I have a pretty good deal for their side so tomorrow I'm going to present it.
Oh and remember how I said I wanted zero ants? Well I meant none, now we have Zero problems again. We had driven them out but they are invading again, they even took over one of our towns, those traitorous settlers all went with them too.
I wish they were the definition of their names. Zero, they would be a lot less trouble if there was none of them.

More (sea)shells

I have alot more holes in my window today than yesterday. Bombshells really mess up your windows man. I tried negotiating with the ants again but they said I would have to entertain them somehow to make them stop, I can't think of any way to entertain an ant.
Yesterday I traveled to the beach, straying from the ant topic. I got to make a sand castle today like a normal kid, teenager or not that made me happy. After making a very un-king-like castle I walked along the shoreline. It was so nice, stopping here and there to pick up shells, not having to worry about my entourage (I didn't let them come), the waves lapping at my feet.
If only every day at the catle was like this, it makes me time sick really, I want to be back in the future... I like it here but I liked it better there.
I had to distract myself from annoying thoughts like that by watching the sunset and let me tell you, that day it was easy to distract yourself with it. It was a gorgeous hue of red slowly fading into a magenta type color then into robins egg blue. And as the sun went down it became more and more red untill the stars came out.
The stars, I fell asleep last night looking at the stars...

My diaries name is Dave

Sorry diary, I couldn't visit you yesterday because the ants were all over the place. By the time I got home I was dead tired. I really need to find ANOTHER solution to the fighting. The harrasment is enjoayable when it happens but the consequence afterwards isnt so fun.
I know that you can't answer but do you have any ideas Dave Diary? Great I'm going crazy, I'm talking to my diary as if it can answer. I have to check for ants in my bed and then go to sleep. Oh, speaking of looking for ants there's proof that they have snipers now, they can retaliate without you even being able to see them. They're so small you can't find them if they are only 20 feet away.
[sigh] well bed time, sorry Dave I'm tired.

Live commentary

"Im trying something new today... WOAH, too close.
I'm trying to live commentate an ant battle! I grabbed a wooden spoon for my mike and I hope they don't spill my inkpot.
Ok here goes."
As the shells fly through the air, yellow team (pantry ants) has snuck up behind the blue team (cattail tribe) and sunk a battle ship, but wait! Red team (Maple tree clan)just smoked them out, oh where is yellow teams backup? They have just been smoked out of their rafts and the.. Ooh that looks like it hurt!
Oh there they are! Green team (cellar ants) have taken advantage of yellows suffering and just pulled the old tripwire trick on a plane taking off, red team will NOT be happy.
Oh here they all come, the mother of all battles is about to take place right in... What a minute... THAT'S MY FOYER!
Hold on a minute.
"No, no stop![bang] owowowow, no get out!" [clang] get out darn it! [thud]
Ow, sorry about that, I had to stop the fighting by getting hurt, they aren't allowed to hurt humans so they had to retreat. I don't have any more paper to wrote on now so I guess I'm done, they spilled ink on it after all.

...The bombs bursting in air...

Today I was minding my own business... Well actually I was trying to lighten the cookie jar but it's my kitchen. And I almost got caught of no fault of my own. The cellar stairs are straight behind a side window in the kitchen and apparently the cattail ants were starting an engagement. Right as I had a hand in the cookie jar a artillery shell came smashing through my window and flew straight down the cellar stairs. Immediately the mortars downstairs started a conversation with the artillery on the pond. After a few frantic seconds and a few smashed bottles of wine I managed to crawl out to the pond and lob a few black walnuts at the pond ants... Drawing their attention on me. Not wanting to get hit by an entire artillery shell since I knew what a bullet felt like I decided the best decision was to make a tactical retreat, Very very quickly.
After successfully evading the artillery fire and stopping the war going on right through my house I found to my chagrin that a stray mortar shell had scorched my sink and knocked over the cookie jar, no cookies for me today.

The fight continues

Dang ants, why do they love fighting. At least with the battles it seems their scientific advances have stopped. They started fighting near my house a lot, why did I have to put it on militaristicly strategic ground? And near prime real-estate too, the majority of the ant clan live near me. I have every faction near me and everything, antforce, marants and blue ants all in my yard and or house. The one day my cook had to rebake the bread because a plain crash landed into it. He wasn't happy and neither was I, I wanted that bread. Tonight I'll have to remember to check under the bed, and not for monsters. Last night I didn't sleep very well because there was a tank on guard duty under my bed. It squeaked all night long and when I almost fell asleep it saw a squad of enemy ants an opened fire.
Can they really get any more annoying? At least they haven't pulled out the artillery yet I suppose, I don't want to start paying roof bills again. I almost wish someone would get hurt so I could tell the ants to stop since they broke the treaty. They're too careful though. I paid a drunk to walk down an alley I knew they were fighting in that night and they ceased fire only long enough to let him through then started up the racket again.
Any ideas?

Flying lawyer ants?

Aw man, You got to be kidding me. The ants got bored so they are playing a huge game. Some of them left the city for a few days so they weren't "amidst the city" like the treaty says and "invaded". Since the are allowed to defend against invading ants they made a huge war just for kicks between the defenders and... Ants with lawyers apparently. They are technically within the treaty unless a human is harmed too so I can't do squat. It's awfully annoying because they love the terrain around my house. Apparently it's a very tactical position for ants because a group of the defenders has set up base here. I can't do any of the paperwork I have too... Actually I think I just found the good part about them, I can't do any paperwork thanks to them.
The one time I had a cannon shell fly right through my window. It landed in middle of my open clothes drawer and burned a hole in my favorite shirt. They also got bullets in my cake, im just glad they weren't lead.
Why cant I have a regular, ant-less town where there's normal people with normal pantry doors. I also wish I didn't need a mosquito net to keep airplanes away...
Anyone want to help swat flying ants?

Thank you Jarvis...

"Wake up sire! What's wrong you were yelling." "Oh, I guess I was having a bad dream, sorry for startling you."
Just then I sat upright in bed. "Jarvis, am I still dreaming? Hurry up and pinch me!" "why sire?" "because I'm in my house," I said in a panicked tone." My house was burned by a laser beam Jarvis. I saw it."
"that must have been the dream you were dreaming. Here let me prove it." "ow, your right!"
I wrote down the dialouge from when I woke up word for word because they were the happiest words I have ever heard. That desolate charred city I called home was indeed all a dream! All the fallen troops and villagers. All the murders of the ants. Every one of them was merely in my mind. My obviously twisted and stressed mind but none-the-less the very mid that ruled a large kingdom... My poor villagers.
Anyway, I have to come up with a plan to hinder the ants by any means necessary yet still within the treaty. They simply can't come up with that technology. Especially if that was a vision.
Excuse me now, I have to go dance in the courtyard for joy. Too bad if I haven't changed out of my pajamas yet, the castle dwellers will just have to deal with it.

The end of the world!

I woke up today and I really think the world is ending! The ants somehow and advanced all the way to nuclear technology already and broke the treaty. Towns all around me have been devastated by long range nukes and my own town is in ruins except for a few parts till standing. Charred blackened ruins lay all around me as I walked through the desolate streets evacuated just moments before the ants started their rampage. There was no reason for the attack but the theory was that they were simply power hungry. The destruction was so immense though that I couldn't believe they would do that to a town they wanted to take over. My personal theory was that they simply wanted to crush human civilization and send us back to the stone age... Even though we were only in the medival age.
I have no words strong enough for how sad this makes me. If I had just one wish I would wish this were a dream. The scene below me as I go to sleep in my small hammock that we managed to set up was blurred by the mosquito net but it was still clear to me. A blackened city against a brown horizon with a red sunset. the ruinous city looked more like a firepit magnified than a city. The grass was obviously dead from the explosions and lasers. But the sun was sadder still because even it looked dead. As My eyes started to close from fatigue I looked around at my last faithful servants that hadn't fled far away and I prayed that this would end...

Is it really? Yes!

I woke up today realizing it was the fourth of July and decided to make history. I officially had the first fourth of July parade! It was gloriously colorful, the stable boys put ribbons in the crusader's horses tails and the black knights wore something besides black. I let them wear any color they like since the nation colors weren't red white and blue yet, we didn't have any colors. The ants gave off a 10 gun salute and added an "interesting" aspect. There was a band playing too(but not marching) and even some people on silts! But that was earlier today and so by now I was wishing for some fun. Jarvis must have noticed my bored look and he suggested we light off some of the fireworks he ordered from the "alchies" (our nickname for the alchemist)."It was already a festive day because of the showy parade I had." he said. I stared at him for a few a few seconds then asked, "am I dreaming?" He assured me I wasn't and gave me a funny look back. I really didn't know that there was fireworks in the... Whatever time period this was! I'm so excited, I might write again later but for now I'm going to start making preparations for the fireworks.

Too dang close

O man, those guys almost took over my town! I was out helping a friend defend his town and then, BAM. there were dudes everywhere. Luckily my dumb advisors did something right and sent a message to my allies with the crystal balls. My alliance sent support troops and we drove off the attackers right before they invaded the castle. I was lucky I have such good allies
The ants were too scared to fight but I think that if I explain they can attack people attacking us and give them some military tactics they will be valuable allies. Afterall no matter how smart they are they still have small brains so they still get confused.
I'm exhausted from all the fighting today even though I wasn't in combat. There was confusion everywhere and I was trying to direct it all!
I don't have much to say and since my brain is melting I am going to go to bed. Right after saying good night to all the tribes.

The Marines, Airforce and Navy... ant style

Hmm, hmm, hmm... Sorry I like appearing intelligent. I was pretending to meditate. Well, I like the new castle life, none. I've been able to do all my work in my "cottage" or "homely hovel" as Jarvis describes it. I'm glad to spend time in my home instead of that cold hard stone castle full of courters and butlers and those retarded advisors. I get to spend time with Jarvis, I dont have any dates and best of all I have all three factions of ants to study right next to my house. I am able to observe them perfect technology at an astonishing rate and wonder if I was making history. I mean think about it. Since they are creating technology before it's invented, maybe we learned from them! It could be a huge conspiracy theory! If we discovered one of their contraptions while digging up medival artifacts they could learn from it. In 10 years the ants will probably have circuits and stuff instead of levers, pulleys, wheels and their own strength. They could easily make computers. And then so the ants wouldn't distroy us they used their technology against them and brainwashed them, watered down their genes... Ok nowi think I'm getting a little too wierd but it could happen! ... I think.
Well away from the conspiracy theories and onto the ants themselves. The "marant" ants are doing pretty good, they got their artillery perfected and just figured out bazookas. I got the treaty just in time! The "antforce" are ok too. No new developments though. It's amazing they can fly at all so if they are a little behind that's ok. The "blue" group hasn't gotten too much farther either but I think the sizes of their ships are increasing.
Well I got to go, the ants want some supplies and I'm trying to grant their wish since they're asking instead of just taking.

Stupid past, start being future!

Dang, sorry guys. My quill pen wasn't working so I went to get a new one and while I was gone a cat must have tipped over my inkwell. It ruined the whole page and I didn't have anymore ink. I went down to the alchemists to get some more and they were closed, why can't they invent ball-point pens already?
Ok I have good news and bad news... what? No sorry since I always say the bad first I dont care what you want first. The bad news is that Zero took over one of my alliance mates. They invaded and captured all his towns and he had to flee for his life! We'll get those Zero yet... I hope... You see the problem is that their members are twice as big as our larger members. We're pretty outclassed in size. I hope we can work together well enough to overcome that!
The good news is that the ants have been SO peaceful that I have nothing to write about. No wars or battles. Not any noteworthy pantry raids. Not even a metal magpie sighting!
Where did they go? It makes me nervous because it remind me of the calm before the storm...

Back to chaos

Im back! It was a succsefull campaign, all the ants agreed and buried the hatchet. My treasurer is overjoyed. We saved an average of three roof repairs a day for two days now and the savings are still racking up. The navies are quiet the planes haven't been spotted plus the booming beetles have been silent.
The villagers have been ordered to be exceedingly careful near the "bases" and I set up "ant zones" three inches thick around a few wall in each house so they can travel in relative safety. To get to the pantry though they have to take the risk of accidents. They can't be purposefully stepping on/harming the ants but if it's an accident then it's the ants fault for not being in the ant zone.
Castle life has been great too, no dates, no meetings and no annoying advisors since I've been too busy.
The alliance has been going through troubles though. Remember the clan we were at war with? Well we added another enemy and the most dangerous one "zero" (probably standing for zero enemies left) has been advancing into our territory. During one of our raids we took over a city and the one guy said that if we handed over the town he wouldn't attack us!
These guys are much bigger than us and we are going to have quite a fight, I wonder how well they work together if some of the members are secretly blackmailing people behind the leaders back...

Ants go campaigning one by one

Well the any leader I talked to convinced a few tribes/nations near him to stop fighting. I think that the peace treaty will continue to spread but so far we still have to pay for roof repairs. I won't be able to write in my diary for a few days so I have time to reallly forward my diplomacy to every ant in the city. It will be a lot of work but it will save us lots of money, have you seen our repair bills? Since I'm excited and want to start planning this will be a short entry but oh well. I'll live you'll live and my kingdom will be better off... Crap I'm starting to actually act like a king.
Oh and also before I forget I have more proof that the ants can read my mind, either that or found my diary.
I watched from my window as they experimented with mortar mounted ships in my pond, not cool.
I can't use a magnifying glass for something out of range and in water. I also can't sneak up behind them because of the reflection, any suggestions?
Anyway, write you later. I should have peace among ants soon.

The ants calm down

Well today I managed to see an any leader without being shot, stabbed, dive-bombed or bitten so it was a success.
I talked it over with him and it seems the ants are indeed at war for territory. I explained to him that this was actually my territory but I would allow them to live there.
He was delighted but cautious as I told him the conditions.
1. The city would be shared by people and ants alike. I would tell my villagers to not intentionally squash any ants and in return the ants won't use bombs, guns or machines in any way that would harm a person.
2. The ants would not wage war amidst the other ants in the city. They were allowed to defend themselves against intruding ants though.
3. They would keep the raids on my villagers and my own pantry to a minimum.
They werent unreasonable and I told him he would get a piece of land close to own house in exchange for some favors. I needed the number of ant nations in the city. I needed him to tell all the other ants my offer and conditions.
He agreed and so far the war has died down to a dull roar.
There is bad news to this splendid day though.
As I feared the different factions of ants are advancing. The ants located near streams and ponds are beginning to form a navy. So far there is only battleships but since they advance so quickly aircraft carriers and submarines can't be far off.
I also hope they limit their ships to large (for ants) machine guns and don't mount any mortars or some form of artillery.
Wish me luck in my first major diplomatic campaign.

The "Antpire" strikes back

They are upgrading again! They decided that catapults and machine guns werent damaging enough. The ground based ants modified a few tanks into artillery and the air based ants used the shells from the artillery to base bombs off of. They already had tanks and the knowledge from the catapults so the minute they started using the shells houses started burning. They were everywhere and coming from above and below. The ants are at war with each other for inventions.
The ground has tanks and artillery and the air has machine gun planes and bombers. Each wanted the other and if there wasn't nations before there is now.
I'm afraid that possibly they could develop more technology now though because since they are all split up there's more chance for discoveries.
I don't think that this is what the attacker ment to happen when they planted the ants but they are getting the same results.
As to castle life it's been very busy. The bright side is that with all the fire business and such there has been no time for dates or planning dates. The bad side is is that because of the fires I had to sit in a two hour board meeting that was just as unproductive as usual. If I had these ants as counsilers I would probably get more done. Just look at how much they accomplish in a few days.

Cooties be gone

Oh yeah! Jarvis knows that I dislike (dislike is really too mild of a word!) the dating thing so he's my inside man. He just told me that the advisors are starting to get the hint and slowing down/stopping. I'm so excited to get these annoying 17th (or whatever) century girls away from me. I found a frog today, it was really hard to get with all my attendants following me. They would never let me do that if they saw me.
I bet you can guess what frog plus date equals... A short date!
I think that the girls reaction came in a close second to the black planes trick. I wish you could have seen it. I put the frog under her hat so when she picked it up to go into the garden it hopped onto her dress.
Ok, I stopped laughing now. I think that's enough with the castle life, I like the ants... Well when I'm not having to pay for repairs. They have been using the catapults to easily access building supplies. They can use them to hurl the supplies out or ants in. It makes my wizards brew useless because they fly right over.
Maybe we can set up a net to catch the catapulted ants?
It would work in case the metal magpies came around too so it doesn't matter if the ants have ground or air based technology.
On a closing note i thought of another weakness to the beatles with the help of a stable boy, he had found a piece of warped glass and was burning straw out in the courtyard with it exactly like a magnifying glass. I remember burning ants with magnifying glasses so it would work with the tanks too. Even if we didn't burn the ants the tanks would be too hot and would have to be evacuated.
Three dozen magnifying glasses have been ordered for testing, hopefully with minimal retaliation from you-know-who.

I'm back

No, I didn't fall off the face of the earth and I wasn't eaten by a purple striped barbaric cenataur(I might have gone overboard there). My cheif advisor noticed that I was spending more time in my room so he put me under watch(I don't know what he thought I was doing). I don't want anyone besides Jarvis to know about my diary story so I had to take a break. He let up the guard yesterday when they busted into my room to find me playing chess with Jarvis. I wanted to write that day but I had dates all throughout that day... I've never been exsposed to more cooties in my life!
The ants have invented catapults in the days I wasn't writing and this has caused even more trouble. I've had to dish out quite a pretty penny to people that pissed off the ants. Mostly for repairing roofs. I don't know what they are planning next but my wizards managed to get hold of one of the ants machine guns(that poor settler didn't get paid enough). We are working on making the same thing just bigger, on one condition. I've seen the damage that guns do and I managed to convince them to only use them as defense and never offense.
Oh shoot! I think the chief advisor is coming or the maid with another date. Either way, I have to go.
Sorry I had to cut it short.

Dont use the same adjective

Just for the sake of not using the same word over and over I'll saw "eeeew" this time.
Seriously? Why do they want to find me a "eligible maiden" otherwise known as a girl friend.
You have no idea how frusterated/disgusted my face is right now. This time I'm glad to talk about the ants. Anything is better than "that".
So, today we found out what the ants are using the stuff for (well at least some of them). They work really fast, the maple tree tribe invented airplanes! There have been many sightings though so I think that other clans have this knowledge too. I even found their hangar. Did you know ants are good at diplomacy? Well these ones are, they formed an alliance with the bees and are borrowing some hive space for their planes. I think they are exchanging flower locations for hive space, little smarty pants. The "metal magpies" are even more enjoyable than the "booming beetles" because they are much more gracefully and I can see them better from my room. Best of all (and a big reason I wanted to talk about the planes) is that when a girl came to visit, remember the retarded matchmaking thing?, the ants dive-bombed her! It was hilarious, the plane went right through her hat on the first pass and on the second pass she threw herself flat on her face... To my glee in a mud puddle.
The few good things of this matchmaking thing are;
1. I can annoy my advisors (and even Jarvis sometimes) by completely ignoring their questions on the matter
2. I get to watch the girls that do come fall prey to my booby traps (one couldn't even get through the gate. The gatekeeper that day was fond of money)
3. ... I think that I'm done for today, I must be tired if I can't think of anything else that pains my caretakers about this daring business, how dissapointing.

yuck, kings have to deal with this too?

Well this sure is getting interesting, more mini thefts were perpetrated last night. This time wood of all things were stolen though. Last time they made rifles and machine guns and the time before that they made tanks. What could they be doing with wooden planks?
On the subject of castle life it's not too different except now they are trying to find me a girl. They had dating services back in the medival ages? When Jarvis asked, "what are your thoughts on this?" I made the most digested face I could and said "pass". You should have seen the look on Jarvis's face, he almost jumped when I made my disgusted face.
I wasn't very happy but if my advisors saw that they would think it was because I was lonely so I had to be careful and artfully dodge all questions about the subject.
Whenever they wanted to ask me a question and kept asking so I couldn't ignore them, that is when I utilize my treehouse. Unfortunately I have to be careful because now I share my hideout with an ant tribe. Last time I hid up there I was almost seen by the machine gun ant (the maple tree tribe only has one) and I'm not sure I want to know what would have happened if he had seen me, I'm surprised I saw him really.
Over the past couple days I found that watching highly advanced ants is much more fun than listening to castle advisors so I always try to hold meetings in my house. That way I can watch the ants and sometimes I even get to enjoy the yelps of an advisor that didn't watch where he put his feet.
I wonder how much those little rifles (im curious about the machine gun too) can go through...

Smart bugs, bugged people

Ug, these ants are too darn smart. They created guns, I even heard one or two machine guns going off. At least most only have rifles but now if you flip over a tank you get riddled with rifle shot. So now you need a very protective helmet and chestpiece if you don't want to have the doc pull tiny BBs out of your hide... This advice isn't from personal experience.
This morning I found out they had new weapons when the kitchen clan fired a round into my poor chef and used the distraction to grab some food. I heard that since then three incidents occurred with the exact same circumstances. Can these ants communicate long distance in some way as well? There's too many questions, will they develop more weapons? Should we guard the blacksmithy and alchemists? How smart are these darn ants? my villagers are all in a hubbub and I can't tell them that I know what's happening, the counsil didn't approve that idea. Even though I'm kinda only the king here I don't have as much power as I need to take care of my people. What if those ants develop something like modern artillery, they wouldn't have to even be in the city. Oh wait, I shouldn't even think about modern weapons. Last time I though of boots they found a way to make them. It would be a lot worse if I thought of... Never mind. No, wont tell you what I just thought of. For all I know they could be reading your brain not mine, your the one reading this and thinking about stuff. Do you really have to keep reading this? This is kind of my diary. You like reading it? Hmm, I guess if you really have to keep reading you can but do it whithout thinking of your newfangled weapons. Hey, I saw that! I think that for today I should stop writing, maybe that will help you to stop thinking. Signing out,
The Kingster

I wish they were in technicolor

Ok I'm not so sure now. During the night some blackpowder and other substances were taken. And in small enough portions to leave only one suspect. The blacksmith is missing steel this time though, even worse.
Can they read minds because the only way I can think of them getting across is with rubber boots and there is rubber trees around here. Are these ants really that smart? The council is having a meeting to decide what to do but as usual they are getting nowhere. I didn't come this time though so at least if they do get an idea it will be theirs.
I got bored so I tried the paper planes trick again but since they were expecting it I came up with a new design and colored it red and black instead of leaving it white. The reaction was even better than before, I almost fell into the moat myself.
I think that the beetles aren't as scary as we thought because I discovered (with the help of Jarvis) that they can't see very well behind them and since the treads make a good amount of noise, for ants, they can't hear us either.
Once you overturn it they can't use the gun because the powder falls out of the cannon. They quickly craw out of the tank in melee mode though so it's best to do it with a stick. This is from personal experience. The ants themselves are very sneaky though. Some of them have paint on them and it makes it difficult to see them. Apparently they paid a visit to the weavers and borrowed some dyes...

Bed time

Im about to go to sleep. I havent found out much about the tanks except that that's where the blacksmiths iron went. The advisors suggested flooding the city in just a few inches of water to force the ants out into the open but then I pointed out that most of them were hiding and they were scared. What would they do if all the ants were roaming at the same time? Besides that if they invented a mechanical beetle couldn't they make a simple boat? Sometimes I think that my advisors say things just to see what I'll say because they don't know what to do.
I don't really know what else I found out today... Oh, wait. I found out that near my house there is six tribes of ants. The cellar, attic, dining hall, kitchen, maple tree and cattail tribes. I bet you will never guess where they live.
I still haven't found out what their government is based on but then again I haven't been able to get close enough to any of their cities to see. (I tried digging up the spot the cellar ants were at but the tanks started firing from the wine rack where they were stored. I hope the general doesn't come over for a visit because he always wants wine and I don't think the ants would agree to my chefs tampering with their garage.
Just a thought but if they are smart enough to build tanks what other devices can they come up with. I hope they don't come up with boots so they can get past the concoction protecting the alchemists stuff. Last time they got into the wizards station they invented tanks.
I'll have to make sure they can't tomorrow because I'm beat and have to go to bed.
Hum? No I'm not going to make sure now. They can't read minds and so the alchemists potions and stuff will be fine untill tomorrow and that's that.

Brave or dumb?

Hmm, even more sightings of those beetles. I think I know what they remind me of from the future, tanks. If the ants invented tanks they will have artillery next... I don't think that this is biological warfare anymore. I have even seen groups of ants doing raids on my cellar and I have reason to believe they have formed cities or even countries. Right under my floors to boot. I wonder what kind of government they have...
They had better have some serious plans though because I could get to their Capitol by lifting up a floorboard. Let me tell you something, if my castle was that easily acessable the little country I'm ruling wouldn't have lasted even this long. I wonder if the ants tribes are at war or peace right now.
The tanks running around could just be protection for ant squads against people (the villagers are terrified of the booming beetles as they call them) or they could be protection from other tribes of ants. This is getting very complicated because an ant war could stop all intercity trading. The horses are just as scared as the people of the tanks and the cats are more scared of them than that. The ants run free through the streets because they always avoid the barracks and patrolmen. Those and the dogs are the only ones brave enough (or stupid enough) to get near the ant squads. Several patrolling soldiers have gone running back to the barracks tearing off as much of his armour as he could to get to the biting ants. I'm not sure what to do if this is a peacetime between the ants...

"Beetles" now?

Well so far castle life has been kinda boring, all I have to do is walk around making sure that the soldiers are well taken care of. Yeah that's a good thing to do but it's incredibly boring. The ants are much more interesting. There seems to be a new kind of bug infestation though, people have been seeing strange beetles that run around. They also are apparently allied with the ants because there has been witnesses to seeing ants ride on the "beetles".
here I've drawn a crude representation of what the townsfolk have described them as.

... It seems very similar to something I saw when I was in the future/dream. I still cant decide so from here on I'll just call it the future. Now it's getting wierd though because with these beetles there is actual worry about my documents. A count had his papers stolen right out from under his nose by a small troop of beetles.
... Sorry for the pause there. My cat just saw one of the beetles and jumped on it. When it did though I heard a small boom as if the beetle had a hollow spot in it's shell and something was banging on it or maybe it shot something. There was also a very small burn mark on the floor after it left. Do the beetles use acid?
this newest development causes more worry because if the reaction with whatever the beetle has was big enough it could cause a house fire. If you will excuse me I have to go tell this newest development to my advisors.

More missing stuff

The ants are getting more brazen, the alchemists reported a few small vials of chemicals gone missing as well as a few books on the subjects of war and mechanics. Ants can't tell what a books about though...right? Also the blacksmith is missing an ingot of iron and some gold scraps are gone from the goldsmith. The crumbs are continuing to disappear as normal but I have one question, why are these ants taking such strange articles? Luckily nothing important yet besides my cookies. I think thats because Jarvis is keeping all my documents in a locked box though. The reasons he gave is he didn't want rodents eating them or creepy crawlies (human or insect) walking off with them. I told him he didn't have to worry about bugs taking castle documents but he reminded me again of the books taken from the alchemists library.
The castle is in a hubbub today though because the worn troops just marched in today! They were besieged but suffered very little losses. I was extremely glad that casualties were low because it WAS a war. War equals bloodshed on both sides. That's why I like and don't like war. Hoorah's for the troops troops marching in! And mourning for the ones who aren't.

Ants in my pants

Are you serious? I said I didn't want to share that much!
They are seriously in my clothes, why would they be in there? With the exception of one pair of trousers there's no food in them... I'm starting to think about using that brew now. Any ideas?
The villagers are starting to complain as well. I don't blame them, if I only had one pair of pants and their were ants in my pants I wouldn't be too happy either. One of the duchesses lost her gold ring and many of the maids lost their copper bracelets. What are those ants thinking? Do we possibly have a rat AND an ant infestation? I don't know but I'm starting to wonder about those ants.
I'm also starting to worry about those troops, they havent reported back yet and that makes me very nervous. If they were to fail on the first mission I sent them on that would look really bad for me.
Hope my troops return safely home soon (either that or report back to me) because if not I'll have to send out even more troops to find them.

Aw man, really?

My cookies are gone! Dagnabbit, I had snuck a few cookies out of the kitchen and now they are gone. I wanted those, I bet the ants took them... Maybe I should get some of that brew from the wizards? No, if they weren't willing to put it near their books I'm not putting it in my house. Arg, I guess I'll just have to share my house with them. I wanted to share a little less of my house than that though.
I just found out from the head wizard, Mathew, said that they are missing some laboratory equipment. Could the ants possibly have taken lab stuff? Why would they take that, they can't eat it. I almost got blamed for it too, good thing I'm king or I might have gotten a whooping.
... Oh and I almost forgot, the alliance is in a war now so I get to test my troops skill. Wish all the men (and horses too I guess) good luck!

First day of the ant siege

Well so far so good. Nothing missing from my house yet although the alchemists shop is being swarmed... Maybe they like the sweet smelling potions? I don't know but I'm just glad the are only ants. If they for example had guns, airplanes and artillery they could be a serious threat.
I hope they keep leaving us alone and stop swarming the alchemists, the wizards found them all over their books and climbing in and out of their apparatus when they woke up this morning and quickly worked up a brew. They poured it all around their equipment so the ants wouldn't dare go near it. They are still crawling around in the library though because the wizards didn't want to pour the liquid near the books for fear they might get wet or... Let's just leave it at that.
Anyway, I'm glad the ants are lame although I was hoping to see a few raids on my kitchen. The chefs have hilarious reactions to bugs.

The attack of the ants

I thought I was ready and able to join an alliance so I sent messaengers out to the alliance diplomat and after a few relays of messengers he accepted me into the alliance.
I had one of the smallest kingdoms out of anyone there but they all enjoyed my company. They said I provided comic relief in such a stressful environment and I was glad. I couldn't help very much with troop support or anything but at least I was helping.
While in the alliance I made many friends and some of us persuaded our wizards to let us use their crystal balls to talk to each other. Others had very stubborn wizards and so had to send messengers but besides them we all had a grand time. During one of the chats I got a message from a nearby ruler and since I was in a playful mood I sent back a comical retort. The ruler got angry and so decided that this was the time to use a new type of biological warfare her wizard had invented. They had created very intelligent ants that were meant to torture people by eating their food and just being everywhere. They snuck them in on horseback (since they hadn't figured out how to make the ants march to where they wanted them)and dumped them in various spots throughout the village. Most of them unfourtunately by my house...
Here is where I am in life. In a wonderful alliance. I have my own house and tree hideout thing. I have the most interesting backstory of any king you can find and just a few days ago I had a modified species of ants dumped in my backyard. This brings you up to date and so the next time will be about my everyday life... With ants involved.

A new house

I got my architect and told him what I wanted. I wanted something functional but home like. I wanted something I could live in but entertain nobles in as well. He came up with a marvelous solution and all I had to do was pick materials.
It was very similar to the house I... Knew. It had a lovely stone base but wood planks farther up and it gave it a very comfortable look. On the inside it had a high foyer for greeting guests, a proper dinning hall for holding meetings and small feasts, a parlor for holding parties,a large kitchen, a spacious cellar and a nice amount of rooms for a small squad of servants.
On the outside it had a garden for the cooks, a small chicken coop for eggs and perfect climbing tree. It was an enormous maple and had branches going out perfectly straight, I can't imagine a better tree to sit in. I secretly stole some boards and nails from the project and I figured out that if timed properly I could pound the nails at the same time as the carpenters and no one would hear me. Pretty soon I had a crude ladder going up the trunk and now I had a not so kingly (but very convenient) hiding spot.
My house was situated with a wood behind it and a pond before it, it was far enough from the castle to not hear the hubbub but close enough to see it and walk to it, I highly approved of it and decided I wouldn't just spend time here I would live here.
I made sure all the rooms were furnished and moved three cooks, a maid, a butler, a guard and Jarvis in and we fit quite comfortably.
The house was perfect, it had class and space for parties but was small enough to feel warm and comfortable. I liked my room the best, it had a splendid view of the pond.
In war I might move to the castle because I didn't want a knife in my back but besides that it was perfect in every way I could think of
Now in the next part of the story I shall join an alliance and make friends with neighboring cities but untill then I have to finish cleaning my new room, Jarvis says it will help build character.

A tour in the age of kings

After almost two whole weeks living the castle life I got to one of those days I just couldn't think of anything to do. I realized I still hadn't toured the grounds and hunted down Jarvis, he wasn't too hard to find, all I had to do was turn around and he was walking straight for me. "Jarvis" I asked, "remember that day when you brought me here and wanted to show me the sights around the castle? Can we do that now?"
"Of course sire, I was wondering if you had forgotten," smiled Jarvis
We immediately snuck out of the castle (it was almost time for the second lesson so we didn't want to be seen) and headed for the miller. "I think you will enjoy almost all our stops." Jarvis told me, "They all have their points of interest." And indeed I enjoyed the miller very much. It was a lovely white building with huge "sails" and it had 3 stories each with it's own function. Each floor had a large clutter of gears in the middle that were very confusing but were fun to dodge. It was fun to run up and down the ladders to watch it go through the process even if it wasn't very king like. Next was the blacksmith who was just as interesting, I could have stayed there and watched him shape the red hot armor all day if Jarvis hadn't dragged me out. The goldsmith was similar but even more mesmerizing, he used the smallest hammer you have ever seen and sometimes just his gloved hand to form a lovely ring for the countess while I was there. After that came the stable but we skipped it since I knew it and went right to the barracks. Soldiers and archers were everywhere, dueling, shooting and doing drills. I even got to shoot a kindly archers bow wich was great fun. After that we took a horseback ride to see where our resources came from, it looked like very hard work but it was funny to watch them from the top of the hill, swarming through the trees and the stones to mine the precious ores, find clay pockets and chop trees. Even though the smithys were fun and the barracks suberb i think that the alchemists was the best stop. This was were all the wizards were trained and the potions concocted and I loved watching them create new things, There was a very large library of science notes and books as well. Last but not least we walked through the residences where the middle classes lived, this part made me wish I had a home like I had... Or had in my dream.(I don't know and I really care anymore it's been so long) As we rode back to the castle I started forming plans for my own residence, it would be much more enjoyable than the cold stone castle and also I wouldnt have to listen to the constant chatter of maids and advisors...

Wash, rinse and repeat

Well I can say after a full day of vigourous testing on history I have learned one thing. Don't lean on your arm funny or you can't write!
I'm telling you it's killer, try it someday in a math class and see. Anyway, after school I was exhausted, I wanted to just text some pals... Try doing that when there is a couple hundred year gap between you and them. Then again I wasn't sure they existed any more.
I decided that this is when boys useless knowledge comes in handy and I started creating paper airplanes of every size and description. It was exceedingly funny to float them down into the moat and watch the guards tremble in fear at the "terrible ghost" they saw. A few of them ran inside and immediately got sent back out, their faces were ashen and I almost felt sorry for those few. After I got bored of that I took some rubber I found (one of the alchemists must have dropped it) and I twisted it into a crude rubber band. When a man servant or maid would walk by I would try and shoot them with my toy and was entertained for another short while by the ones I hit, especially the ones carrying trays. I finally exhausted myself of things to do and so I showed Jarvis my airplanes. I showed him the enormous joke I had played on the guards and he reprimanded me... I could tell he thought it was hilarious though. (later he even asked me how I made them)
Day after day past with the annoying cycle of school/advisors,pranks and showing Jarvis the tricks I had learned with coins and such. They weren't bad days but the only excitement I had was riding horses, even that came with the heavy price of many bruises and scrapes(much the chagrin of the tailors).
I slowly began getting accustomed to castle life and grew more experienced in the arts. Soon I even grew familiar enough with war that I was able to conduct my own diplomacy and raids (of course under supervision but still, I did the work myself)
when I continue the story we shall pick up at the part in wich I tour the grounds.

No fair!

I was once again (yes, that's one of my favorite sayings) woken up by my cheerful caretaker. He told me that it was time to get dressed and brush up because it was almost time for school.
"SCHOOL? I thought I was a king!"
"Indeed you are sire but I hope you realize that that's exactly why you have to go, you have to learn how to rule an entire kingdom!"
grumbling under my breath I got dressed in my funky clothes again but as I did so I realized that I still didn't know my advisors name... Since he thought I had lost my memory I played along with it and said, "pardon me but I can't recall your name... It's on the tip of my tongue but I can't remember. "My name is Jarvis sire... I do hope you get your memory back soon. Now lets have breakfast and start our day shall we?"
Directly after breakfast Jarvis asked me what we should do. "It seems that you have forgotten almost everything so would you like me to tour the grounds with you sire or take you to your tutor?"
well I knew what a tutor was from books and I wasnt happy about doing school but I looked out the window and the castle grounds were simply enormous and I really didn't feel like going for a hike that day.
"I think that the tour can wait Jarvis, I'll see the tutor now."
"ok sire, right this way."
He led me through a maze of hallways it seemed and I wondered how anyone could remember how to get through the castle. When we finally we got there Jarvis said good luck and left.
I was all alone for a short while now so questions started spinning in my head, am I really the king? Was my old life a dream? Should I have acted differently? ... Should I have taken the tour and gotten out of school? I decided to down at the only desk like object just as my tutor walked in. He was a wise looking old man and reminded me very much of a wizard in his robe. After he walked over to the front of the room he immediately began firing questions,
"Do you remember how to read? Can you still write? Shall I show you how to ride a horse again?" I told him I could still read and write but I would need some help with horses again.
He grunted and told me "today is history then, tommorow will be horses." He then handed me a book that looked to be the history of my kingdom...

Waking up... again

As I woke up yet again I straightened my back and then froze. In front of me was a castle! An actual castle! I wondered how this medival village and CASTLE had just appeared... I couldn't decide what was a dream and what wasn't so I kept my mouth closed. As we got nearer and nearer to the castle though I could tell it was actually real and also realized we were going in. I had never been in a castle before and certainly never met anyone that worked in a castle so I was shocked when the guard spoke my name like I was a close friend. After saying my name though he quickly stammered out an apology and bowed before me. This of course did NOT help my poor brain. We rode through the courtyard and then the garden and I admired the types of flowers i had never seen before. We finally got to the stable and I actually dismounted on the first try.
we then entered into the castle through a backdoor and my confusion continued
As we walked through the castle I noticed that everyone seemed glad to see the group I was in and not one person gave me a stare or second glance as any person would do to a stranger in their home. This made me start thinking that maybe I actually was a king... No one could pull a prank this elaborate, right?
I was walked Down a hallway with what I think are called tapestries on each side and pictures of a person I supposed was the king they said I was replacing... Yay.
I wonder if it was actually sickness that caused his death... actually I changed my mind I don't want to know.
we got to a large door and then all but my caretaker dispersed to different parts of the castle. He opened the doors and I was greeted by a large four poster bed and a full wall picture of either me or my twin... Which I don't have.
Sorry, no I don't have an evil twin.
He then tried to undress me but I firmly refused, I might have been tired but not disabled.
I sunk into the covers and once again, drifted... Off... To sleep.

Exceedingly Confused

I woke up to a horrible tasting drink being poured down my throat and a cheery "Good morning Sire." The drink was indeed nasty but woke me up quickly.
What was that? NO! It wasn't alchohol! and no I can't prove it. now please, is it possible for you to just listen? No, stop it, You don't listen with your mouth, now do you want to hear it or not?
Now apparently it was the next morning, from the position of the sun... What little I could see through the trees. My poor mom, she's going to be worried sick. After breakfast and a few failed attempts they managed to help me up onto a horse behind my caretaker (who I had found out was my friend and advisor supposedly). To my delight we started off in the direction of my house. Wich I thought was great news, Mom would surely see me out the window since we have a lovely wood veiw and would set all this straight. But after traveling for a little while though I noticed that the woods showed no signs of thinning out and I couldn't see the bright red brick of my house.
I didn't know what to think now but was starting to consider that the red brick house I knew was the dream and not the place I was in.
I fell asleep yet again at about eleven, we had left the woods and were now on a small dirt road. I was dead tired and didn't care though hence the reason I fell asleep.

Now Where Was I?

Ok, I'm ready to get this off my chest, it's a story I've wanted to tell for a while.
Now where was I... Oh yes! I had just passed out.
Well when I woke up There was a strangely dressed man leaning over me. When he saw me open my eyes he excitedly proclaimed,"The king is alright!"
Wondering why a king would be out in the woods and what could have happened to him I looked around for this "king".
I finally realized that he meant ME!
"I'm sorry sir, I am not the king". He looked at me worriedly and started whispering to some others (that were just as strangely clad) that I hadn't noticed before.
He then said,"don't you remember sire? Your Father the late king has passed away of illness and my lord is now the King."
Even more confused now I of course said "No I don't remember and I know I'm not a king."
Now why I didn't just take the credit for being king I don't know but at the time that's what I did.
the strangely clad man now gave me a pitiful exspression that greatly displeased me and proceeded to tell everyone that I had hit my head and had been set back a few years, they must be patient because I might not remember everything.
Right before I drifted off to sleep again I noticed that strangely I was dressed in similar clothes as my peculiar caretaker and never remembered changing...

The Story Begins

I was quite bored, yes I know you were thinking... Wait, wasn't he supposed to say,"a long time ago"? No I wasn't, I can start how I want.
Anyway, I was quite bored and was literally lying around. I had nothing better to do and so I decided a walk wouldn't hurt. I love listening to the birds.
I'm not sure what happened inbetween the woods and here because it was a long time ago and... yes I know, I could have started my story,"a long time ago" then couldn't I? No, remember. My story, I can start it how I want. Now stop interrupting, I'm trying to explain how I got here before I get into my every day life.
All I remember is admiring the trees and such and listening to the lovely birds when... My memory stops, I must have fallen asleep or gotten knocked unconscious because next thing I knew, I was here! Now where here is ,is what I'm going to tell you next time.